Bullshit…..I just woke up and I can’t go back to sleep…..I’m itching like crazy too ( I think it’s Plaquenil)….I also got pissed off at work yesterday cause they fucked with my schedule, I think this is causing me to lose sleep (not good)….I realized that my free time is valuable….it is essential for good health……

My new 3rd job……

Today I reached my boiling point at work…..I’m tired of dealing with drama, the large amounts of work and getting paid change for it…and now we found out we got a huge pay cut on our commissions…now my 3rd job is finding a new job to replace the 1st one…. This is getting too much, the financial and work stress got my Lupus acting up….I’ve been bathing in sunscreen and hydrocortisone creme and living off a caffeine induced diet to help with my energy level….on my semi off days I crash and sleep like a bear….. 

The only thing keeping me from completely losing it is by constantly telling myself that this is all temporary. 

This is temporary and I’ll weather this storm……

Up Early to get my workout in!!!

Tonight I train for a job doing call center work from home (my new side hustle) so now I got to get my workouts in before going to work so I can have time to spend with my son in the evenings…..

Balling out crying….

Well, I didn’t pass certification for the job I thought I was going to get. So I’m back to square one….Frustrated, angry, sad, and in physical pain. I’m depressed and suicidal thoughts are running through my head. If there is a God, he hates me. If he exists, the cards he has dealt me are a cruel and sick joke. Driving home, the only thing I could do is scream to the heavens….FUCK YOU! The only thing keeping me from harming myself is my son. At this point he is the only one worth living and fighting for. I wish he had a better mother. A mother who has a career and perfect health. He desearves that stability. The tears are falling like crazy….they don’t want to stop. I guess I need to start calming down and making some phone calls. The job hunt continues….

I will soon be crossing off “look for employment,” off my to do list…Yeah!!!!!!